From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

Suffering is no stranger to us. There have been times where I have lulled myself into a false sense of security and I have thought it may have left us. That its grasp weakened and we were able to slip away.  But it has not. Suffering walks amongst us and stays with us faithfully. Clinging to us as if we are it's life force. As if our very weakening gives it strength.  So, no, suffering is no stranger to us.  That being said, I would also say that suffering has been a far greater teacher to us than joy has ever been. Suffering hurts. It's a part of our lives, and it hurts. Nobody likes suffering. Who enjoys to have our worldly flesh chiseled away as we are shaped into a more Christ-like being? But, suffering IS shaping us. It has a godly purpose that , long ago, was written by a perfect composer.  God has written a beautiful melody of joy and suffering that He sings to us in this broken world. Suffering is intertwined with joy, with thankfuln...

Now that the business of the holidays is over and we have, once again, settled into the familiar routine of life, I can write about our Little One. We had her for 35 days. 35 hectic, crazy, wonderful days.  It's amazing how one little girl can make us a family. Suddenly I was a mom again and John was a dad again.  It was beautiful.  Being a foster mom is an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. I absolutely loved being a mom to such a wonderful, beautiful, smart little girl! It was an amazing to blessing to see my husband being a father to her, our parents being her grandparents, our siblings being her aunts and uncles, and our nieces and nephews being her cousins.  And then, in a blink of an eye, she was gone.  I wish she could have stayed. I really would have kept her with us forever. I miss her so much.  Pictures of her fill our home, in places of honor next to the only pictures we have of our Kimber. And they will be the on...

So much has been going on in our lives lately. I've been wanting to blog about things for a while now but I've held off simply because there is so much I want to say and so much I can't say! Last month we were officially approved for foster care through CSV! Such a blessing to have all the paperwork and home studies finished! We had about one whole day to take a deep breath and relax before we got THAT call! Crazy huh!? So, here we are, a month later, building a family from the broken pieces of each of our lives. It's been an amazing month, and an extremely challenging one. I want to scream at how unfair life has been to both of us.  I want to show Little One that there is a way of life far different from what she has known and teach her the forgiveness and grace of an amazing Savior.   I want to convince Little One that a new pair of shoes or a new jacket does not mean she will never see loved ones again, or that we are replacing someone.  I wish Little...

My beautiful perfect son was born a year ago on September 4.  Trust me when I tell you that he truly was handsome. I did not see him with rose-colored glasses. He was beautiful and perfect.  But he was dead.  It still hurts to say those words (or write them). They seem so harsh and cold. Whenever I have to break the news to people I haven't seen in a long time I try to use gentle soothing language. No one wants to be smacked in the face with tragic death.  But we were. It knocked the wind right out of us.  He was dead. And as much as I secretly begged him to breath, he remained dead.  My sweet baby boy who had moved and grown inside me for 9 months had stopped moving.  Words cannot express what that does to a mother , to a father , to a marriage , to a family .  We celebrated his birthday.  Oh yes! We celebrated it! Honestly, it was mostly selfish. I want to know that he has made a mark on this world. I want everyon...

Hello Friends! We've had a bit of a whirlwind of activity the past few weeks. My sister and I (along with our eager-to-help family members) helped plan and execute my brothers wedding (congratulations Daniel and Crystal!) and... We had our first home visit! EEK! It's becoming real, haha!  The visit went really well (thanks to my awesome sisters, Heidi and Heather, for taking time out of wedding prep to help me!). Our case worker is a wonderful lady who is very friendly. She was so easy to talk to and I'm looking forward to working with her in the future. We have three more home visits that we need to finish before we can be certified, and just a few things that we need to fix/lock up to get the house ready (screens on all the windows, locking up all medicines, locking up cleaning supplies, and just a little more bedroom prep). It's nice to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel! John and I have been praying about how prepared we should be fo...

I've been very hesitant to write this blog, even though I could feel my fingers itching to write. Writing is hard, about our new scary journey, about hopes and dreams and about heartbreak, because it's all possible. Guess what!?!? Isn't it wonderful!? We are starting on this amazing adventure and let's just be honest....it's absolutely terrifying!  “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” - Matthew 18:5 Just a quick history on our big decision... John and I have been trying to concieve (TTC to our fellow infertility journeyers) since we lost Kimber, so about 10 long rough months. And unfortunately, even with taking clomid again (how we conceived Kimber) we haven't been able to get pregnant. To say it's been difficult wouldn't even begin to describe it, but that another blog post for a other day.  For years we have talked about adopting, always wanting to do it whenever we felt God called us to it. We...

Grace can be defined as "the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to deserve it." As grieving mothers we are gifted with so much grace from others.  We have husbands who hold us while we weep uncontrollably and hold us together when we feel like our lives have fallen apart. We have parents who look at us and our loss is mirrored in their eyes. They remind you that we are strong and that they are proud of you...even when we don't deserve it.  We have sisters who weep with us, who let us rage about how unfair life us, and who remind us that they miss their nephew too. We have friends who commiserate with us, and try their hardest to understand and to be there for us. Friends who think life is unfair too.   We have ushers in our church who hug us as we're suddenly weeping in our seats because the sermon is about motherhood, reminding us that we will be reunited one day. We h...