A Beautiful Broken Miracle

So much has been going on in our lives lately. I've been wanting to blog about things for a while now but I've held off simply because there is so much I want to say and so much I can't say!

Last month we were officially approved for foster care through CSV! Such a blessing to have all the paperwork and home studies finished! We had about one whole day to take a deep breath and relax before we got THAT call! Crazy huh!?

So, here we are, a month later, building a family from the broken pieces of each of our lives. It's been an amazing month, and an extremely challenging one.

I want to scream at how unfair life has been to both of us.

I want to show Little One that there is a way of life far different from what she has known and teach her the forgiveness and grace of an amazing Savior.

I want to convince Little One that a new pair of shoes or a new jacket does not mean she will never see loved ones again, or that we are replacing someone.

I wish Little One's heart didn't break when she cries out for someone who cannot come.

I want to show her that the emptiness we each have in our hearts can only be filled by a Heavenly Father who has never left her or forgotten about her.

I also wish my heart did not break every time Little One's does.

I tend to think that my heart has had enough breaking for my lifetime.

But The Lord has graced me with something that flows through me as naturally as oxygen. A mother's love.

It is a completely irrational love.

Love, despite knowing that my heart will be broken, still loves completely.

Love, despite knowing there is not always love in return, still loves wholely.

Love, despite being pushed away and yelled at, still loves forgivingly.

I love, because it flows through me. It may not be easy to love, but it is what I have been created to do.

No midwife in a gown handed her to me, wrapped in a blanket, but a case worker, in the middle of the night carrying a terrified Little One, placed her in my arms.

And she made me a mom.

What a beautifully broken miracle that has swept us off our feet.

We know it's not forever, it may not even be for long. But, it is who we are to love her, to make her a part of our family for however long.

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