From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

My beautiful perfect son was born a year ago on September 4.  Trust me when I tell you that he truly was handsome. I did not see him with rose-colored glasses. He was beautiful and perfect.  But he was dead.  It still hurts to say those words (or write them). They seem so harsh and cold. Whenever I have to break the news to people I haven't seen in a long time I try to use gentle soothing language. No one wants to be smacked in the face with tragic death.  But we were. It knocked the wind right out of us.  He was dead. And as much as I secretly begged him to breath, he remained dead.  My sweet baby boy who had moved and grown inside me for 9 months had stopped moving.  Words cannot express what that does to a mother , to a father , to a marriage , to a family .  We celebrated his birthday.  Oh yes! We celebrated it! Honestly, it was mostly selfish. I want to know that he has made a mark on this world. I want everyon...

Well it seems that we survived the first round of many holidays without Kimber here. And it was quite an experience,  It started with my 25th birthday on November 23...I hated it. Turning 25 without my son here was terrible. I waited three years to finally have our child and suddenly he was taken from us. The acknowledgement of the year passing by yet again just felt like a slap in the face.  I have wonderful friends and family and amazing husband who planned some wonderful events for me. And they truly helped me through a hard birthday. But, unfortunately, no amount of love and support could take away the hurt of being 25 without my baby in my arms.  But I survived, we got through it.  And then, 5 days later, we experienced our first Thanksgiving without Kimber. Our entire family was in town for the event and everyone seemed to have a wonderful holiday.  I watched my nieces and nephews run around and play together as Grammy and Grumpsy and all th...