From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

I have often wondered the validity of the thought “ should I stop praying for a child because God hasn’t given us one? Does that mean He’s answered ‘no’ and now I’m just obnoxiously asking over and over again? ” I’m sure so many of you have asked yourself that question. About a child, or a spouse, or someone’s salvation, or a career, or a move, or school? It’s interesting to me, as that thought had been a companion to my prayers lately. Am I living in disobedience by continually asking for something He has withheld from me up to this point?  I read an article by John Piper ( https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/when-should-i-stop-praying-for-something ) In which he addresses my exact wonderings! The entire article is great, but this excerpt in particular: “Isn’t it significant (I think it is) that in the Bible we have the statement “You do not have, because you do not ask” (James 4:2), but we don’t have the statement “You pray too much or too long”? We don’t have...

I have loved watching the journey of bereavement unfold in my life. Four years ago I would never have thought that I would be where I am now but I am so so thankful for the adventures that have brought me here. I'm thankful for a loving Father who has spoken the words of scripture into my heart and has redeemed the greatest pain in my life and created in it my greatest calling.  "All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as yo...

This is just a short testimony I gave at a women's event last week.I wanted to share because throughout the week leading up to it i felt attacked and undermined by Satan. I was in a state of  confusion and denial about my self worth and the importance of sharing testimonies. Through my struggles to define this testimony God encouraged me through a dear friend and her prayers and opened my heart to obedience, especially during struggles  This year my relationship with God has been deepening in new ways and I have felt myself more vulnerable to attacks from the evil one. In each circumstance God has given me the confidence to overcome them, even as I have struggled to fully comprehend the layers of deceit being whispered into my life. The have served as  reminders that my Abba Father is still so very loving and faithful. My experiences this week and the Spirit of strength inside me enabled me to dig deeply in...

I've been very hesitant to write this blog, even though I could feel my fingers itching to write. Writing is hard, about our new scary journey, about hopes and dreams and about heartbreak, because it's all possible. Guess what!?!? Isn't it wonderful!? We are starting on this amazing adventure and let's just be honest....it's absolutely terrifying!  “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” - Matthew 18:5 Just a quick history on our big decision... John and I have been trying to concieve (TTC to our fellow infertility journeyers) since we lost Kimber, so about 10 long rough months. And unfortunately, even with taking clomid again (how we conceived Kimber) we haven't been able to get pregnant. To say it's been difficult wouldn't even begin to describe it, but that another blog post for a other day.  For years we have talked about adopting, always wanting to do it whenever we felt God called us to it. We...

Fairly often, particularly on my rough days, I find myself missing all the things that Kimber never got to experience. Regret is a slippery slope...I do not want to fall into bitterness over "what if"s and "should have"s. So, today is a "Blessing Blog" - of sorts. Let me share with you some of the places that we went with Kimber and some of the experiences we were able to have as a family. Words could not express our pure joy over Kimber. When we announced him to the world their joy was overwhelming. Friends and family cried happily for us, men gave John heavy slaps on the back and hugs. So many people rubbed my belly over the months, greeting him and talking with him from the moment they knew he existed. He brought so much joy, so much happiness, so much love. My sweet Kimber experienced the snow...so much wonderful snow in the few winter months he was here for. I'm sure he knew how much his parents love the snow (especially his Mommy!). We play...

Well it seems that we survived the first round of many holidays without Kimber here. And it was quite an experience,  It started with my 25th birthday on November 23...I hated it. Turning 25 without my son here was terrible. I waited three years to finally have our child and suddenly he was taken from us. The acknowledgement of the year passing by yet again just felt like a slap in the face.  I have wonderful friends and family and amazing husband who planned some wonderful events for me. And they truly helped me through a hard birthday. But, unfortunately, no amount of love and support could take away the hurt of being 25 without my baby in my arms.  But I survived, we got through it.  And then, 5 days later, we experienced our first Thanksgiving without Kimber. Our entire family was in town for the event and everyone seemed to have a wonderful holiday.  I watched my nieces and nephews run around and play together as Grammy and Grumpsy and all th...

My husband, John, and I tried to conceive our first child for over two years. During this time of infertility we struggled with the pain of desperately wanting to be parents but not having a baby of our own. It hurt, it felt like in our hearts we were already parents but we just kept waiting for our child. For two years we struggled with negative emotions that kept trying to dishearten us. We had to learn to fully rely on God, and with that come the acceptance of whatever He had planned for us, even if it meant we wouldn't have children. When we did learn to lean fully on Him everything else fell into place. We did not feel bitter about other women's pregnancies, and we could still find joy in every wonderful baby. It hurt not to be parents, but we woke up every day and made the decision to trust God, to trust He had a plan for us and that our struggles were not in vain. We did this for two years, so we had a lot of practice by the time that we actually became pregnant. It wa...