From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

I've been working on this post for a while now, collecting information and questions from lots of people. This is only the first post in a series of post related to loss and the questions all of us want answers to. I am excited about sharing some of the things that we have learned along the path of life after our son, Kimber was stillborn as well as the wisdom of others who have also been there. So, without further ado, here are some of the most pressing questions I've been asked, advice I've given, and hope I have received along the way... What should I say? Ok y'all, I get this one a LOT. Its pretty simple, you just say you're sorry, and that it is awful (or sucky, horrible, heartbreaking, etc). So many people have said "I am afraid to bring up their baby because I don't want to hurt them more" and while I understand that heart of that sentiment, no one forgets that their baby has died. You are not reminding them that they've lost a child, yo...

     This is a hard one... Last year John and I prayed deeply about stopping actively trying to conceive. We spent a month in prayer and asked a few people to pray for us as well. John and I felt like we needed to stop. Stop with the tests, stop with the meds, stop with tracking cycles, stop with the supplements. I specifically felt like this was just for a year, I wasn't sure what we were supposed to do after that year but I knew He would reveal it in His time.      The Lord blessed us so much in honoring Him and trusting His will for us. We have truly had an amazing year. We traveled to Brazil on a missions trip, took weekend trips to Lancaster, Kings Dominion and Va Beach, vacationed with our family in the Outerbanks, and took a once in a lifetime trip to Albuquerque, the Grand Canyon, and Cimarron! And the year isn't even over yet!!! I can honestly say this year has been one of the busiest years we've ever had.      At the beg...

Have you ever read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4? Have you just skimmed over it? Have you thought, "oh, that's nice, comforting people is always good"? Have you thought one day someone might be there to comfort you? But, have you READ it? Have you let it sink into your soul? Have you read it and felt the calling? Have you wondered how there could ever have been a  time  it didn't mean as much to you? Have you felt the power of God's word flow from your head to your heart as He calls you into something so much bigger than yourself, so much bigger than your own suffering? I have never known comfort quite like when we sat in the hospital  holding t he  body of our only child in our arms.  I have never know joy quite like when we smiled and laughed  and shared our son with whomever wanted to meet him. We had an amazing support system. Amazing family members, amazing friends, amazing church family, and ama...

Kimber died. 2 1/2 years ago, he died. And it almost felt like we died too. Like our very breath had been stolen from our lungs. It literally felt like we were defying nature when we to buried our child.  I say this so you can try to grasp how broken we were at that time. Time stood still the moment he died, the second his heart stopped beating.  Have you been there? In a moment that threatened to last forever and was so unbearable that you were terrified if you would never get out of it alive? But, the world doesn't stop, it just keeps revolving. And we learned, we can't just stop either.  Slowly God asked us to move forward, step by step. Steps we weren't sure we were ready for. Steps that scared us beyond human comprehension.  But He held us as we took them, every single, unstable step. He gave us infertility and asked us to walk...to walk and to still be with Him. He gave us our son, Kimber, and He let us walk as we fel...

I'm so unbelievably sorry, dear one. I'm heartbroken for you, and for your family, and for your baby.  I'm sorry. Where are you at? Are you waiting?  Waiting for that third ultrasound when they can finally say "officially" your baby has died? Waiting to be admitted into a labor and delivery room that previously held excitement but now only holds devastation? Waiting for meds to kick in that will trigger your body to birth the most precious thing in your life? Waiting at home, all alone, for the cramps to start? Waiting for the world to stop spinning, because your world stopped? Waiting in the doctor's office hoping they don't confirm what you already know? Waiting for a Miracle? Are you praying? Praying that all the doctors or midwives were so very wrong, that somehow they missed the tiny little heartbeat that holds your whole world? Praying that it won't hurt as much as you think it will once the shock wears off? P...

One of the most pivotal points in my journey after Kimber died was when another mother of loss gave me some advice. She gently encouraged me to work my heart towards thanking God for Kimber's death.  I talked about to often with John for a while and, eventually, one night during our bedtime prayer I told John I was ready.  "Thank you God for Kimber's death" I felt like throwing up, and I wept in John's arms for a long time. It felt like it went against every fiber of my being, to be thankful for the death of the little red-headed boy who would have called me "Mommy".  God commands us to give thanks in ALL circumstances ("give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thess. 5:18). He requires us to die to our flesh by giving thanks in the midst of our adversity and for the adversity .  That wonderful woman gave me an amazing gift. She pushed my heart in the right direction and led me by...

Grace can be defined as "the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to deserve it." As grieving mothers we are gifted with so much grace from others.  We have husbands who hold us while we weep uncontrollably and hold us together when we feel like our lives have fallen apart. We have parents who look at us and our loss is mirrored in their eyes. They remind you that we are strong and that they are proud of you...even when we don't deserve it.  We have sisters who weep with us, who let us rage about how unfair life us, and who remind us that they miss their nephew too. We have friends who commiserate with us, and try their hardest to understand and to be there for us. Friends who think life is unfair too.   We have ushers in our church who hug us as we're suddenly weeping in our seats because the sermon is about motherhood, reminding us that we will be reunited one day. We h...