From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

I’ve been avoiding this blog for weeks…Why? Because I’m sitting in a heap at the bottom of a mountain with nothing to show for days, weeks, years, of waiting. This month was not a month of beautiful waiting and peace in that time.  It was a month in which I was brought down time and time again by thoughts, fears, and hurts that still struggle to overwhelm a heart that breaths through the broken cracks of my life. I had a panic attack for the first time ever. I couldn’t breath, my husband had to hold me and show me how to breath in, and breath out.  When we found out we weren’t pregnant again, I did not accept it peacefully and lovingly.  Anger railed against me, I fought to maintain a semblance of control over the hurt and failure and distrust that filled me.  I’m so frustrated and hurt because I have a heart that I have to piece back together each month as I attempt to climb back up this mountain, only to discover myself back at the bottom again, in a blink of the