From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

Let me start off this post by saying that last night I wrote an entire blog about grief and grieving and then suddenly it all disappeared. POOF! Even though it should have been saved somehow it wasn't and it was all gone. And, for some reason, I wasn't even upset. One of my first thoughts was even "well I guess God didn't want me to post that". But, I did feel like I was supposed to write a post. And what I am about to share with you I really feel like God has laid on my heart. Because I wonder these things, and I struggle with these things and I have hoped that someone would come to me and tell me that I'm normal for thinking them. And I have hoped that I didn't have to speak them out loud because some of them make me feel ashamed. So I am here to confess them first, so you don't have to, and so that you know you are not alone, and maybe so that I know I am not alone either.  So please, read, and try not to feel alone and remember that the One wh...

Changes.....sometimes changes can be completely wonderful things. It seems though, like a lot of things, changes after losing a child can be pretty terrible. But they are inevitable, we go through changes throughout our life and we cannot stop them any more than we can stop the seasons from changing.  We worked extremely hard on the nursery for our first child. And it was so beautiful, and fun...and full of  love. Some days I would just sit in the nursery rocking in the rocking chair holding the little stuffed fox John had picked out especially for the baby. I would rub my stomach and just dream of how wonderful our life was going to be in just a few short weeks.   In some ways it was easier that the nursery was set up for a baby girl and we had a baby boy. Not every part of the nursery reminded me of Kimber, but that didn't take the pain away, for 4 1/2 months after we lost Kimber the nursery just sat there. All the baby items were stored in there, evicted from their pla...

My husband, John, and I tried to conceive our first child for over two years. During this time of infertility we struggled with the pain of desperately wanting to be parents but not having a baby of our own. It hurt, it felt like in our hearts we were already parents but we just kept waiting for our child. For two years we struggled with negative emotions that kept trying to dishearten us. We had to learn to fully rely on God, and with that come the acceptance of whatever He had planned for us, even if it meant we wouldn't have children. When we did learn to lean fully on Him everything else fell into place. We did not feel bitter about other women's pregnancies, and we could still find joy in every wonderful baby. It hurt not to be parents, but we woke up every day and made the decision to trust God, to trust He had a plan for us and that our struggles were not in vain. We did this for two years, so we had a lot of practice by the time that we actually became pregnant. It wa...