I sat in counseling Monday night and said “I think things are finally stable enough that I can really start processing through the trauma of this past year…and I feel like that’s gonna be rough”. It’s trading one scary thing for another scary thing. And that’s hard. Things with Laura have finally stabilized and I’m so so thankful for the team of therapists, caseworkers, family, and friends who’ve supported us through the horrific journey that has been navigating through RAD in my adopted teenage daughter. Laura is in a therapeutic residential facility for the foreseeable future and I. AM. SO. THANKFUL. My heart literally breaks at the knowledge that she could no longer stay in our home and maintain safety. The grief that I’ve been processing through is no small thing, let alone what Laura herself is processing through. It’s all so very much. But I was able to get approval for residential treatment and found an amazing facility only a few hours away....
It’s an interesting phenomenon, to have a child so deeply loved by your community and to be treated so abhorrently by that same child. My daughter was desperately prayed for. Desperately wanted. So many people in my family, and church, and community donated their time and prayers and money to make her adoption a reality. And I am often ashamed to admit that I am locked in a manipulative and abusive relationship with her. Please understand that she’s a traumatized little girl stuck in the body of an adult, with the coping skills of a toddler, and reasoning of a small child. She’s had the whole deck stacked against her for the majority of her life. So, I don’t take it personally. And I certainly don’t think it’s the same as another adult being abusive. She is still just a child, my child, and her abuse is seen through that lens. But she thrives on creating abusive chaos in our home. And those wounds can cut deep even when not taken personally. She’s be...