From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

     This is a hard one... Last year John and I prayed deeply about stopping actively trying to conceive. We spent a month in prayer and asked a few people to pray for us as well. John and I felt like we needed to stop. Stop with the tests, stop with the meds, stop with tracking cycles, stop with the supplements. I specifically felt like this was just for a year, I wasn't sure what we were supposed to do after that year but I knew He would reveal it in His time.      The Lord blessed us so much in honoring Him and trusting His will for us. We have truly had an amazing year. We traveled to Brazil on a missions trip, took weekend trips to Lancaster, Kings Dominion and Va Beach, vacationed with our family in the Outerbanks, and took a once in a lifetime trip to Albuquerque, the Grand Canyon, and Cimarron! And the year isn't even over yet!!! I can honestly say this year has been one of the busiest years we've ever had.      At the beg...

One of the most pivotal points in my journey after Kimber died was when another mother of loss gave me some advice. She gently encouraged me to work my heart towards thanking God for Kimber's death.  I talked about to often with John for a while and, eventually, one night during our bedtime prayer I told John I was ready.  "Thank you God for Kimber's death" I felt like throwing up, and I wept in John's arms for a long time. It felt like it went against every fiber of my being, to be thankful for the death of the little red-headed boy who would have called me "Mommy".  God commands us to give thanks in ALL circumstances ("give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thess. 5:18). He requires us to die to our flesh by giving thanks in the midst of our adversity and for the adversity .  That wonderful woman gave me an amazing gift. She pushed my heart in the right direction and led me by...

I have really been struggling with this latest blog post. I've been wanting to write one for a while, but I keep deleting the offending words as soon as they escape my heart.  Because lately it's been so very hard to hope.  Life has been pretty brutal on my soul in the past few weeks... I keep waiting for this glorious revealing of hope and joy from The Lord, but it hasn't come. I've been waiting for direction from Him, some sort of leading to His plan, but it hasn't come.  I so desire to do what The Lord wants of me, but I feel no prompting for the Holy Spirit, no lighting bolt, no sign pointing to my path.  And so I am waiting...waiting in this desert place.  I do not say this to explain that I have lost faith, because I have not. In fact, in this dry and thirsty heart, I remain alive and I have faith. We all have our desert places, our times of complete despair, pain, and longing.  What sustains us, in the times in which common sense would have us waste ...