Skip to main content

The Desert Place

I have really been struggling with this latest blog post. I've been wanting to write one for a while, but I keep deleting the offending words as soon as they escape my heart. 

Because lately it's been so very hard to hope. 

Life has been pretty brutal on my soul in the past few weeks...

I keep waiting for this glorious revealing of hope and joy from The Lord, but it hasn't come. I've been waiting for direction from Him, some sort of leading to His plan, but it hasn't come. 
I so desire to do what The Lord wants of me, but I feel no prompting for the Holy Spirit, no lighting bolt, no sign pointing to my path. 

And so I am waiting...waiting in this desert place. 

I do not say this to explain that I have lost faith, because I have not. In fact, in this dry and thirsty heart, I remain alive and I have faith.
We all have our desert places, our times of complete despair, pain, and longing. 
What sustains us, in the times in which common sense would have us waste away, is the knowledge that He is greater and He remains faithful, even when we do not. HE sustains us.

I write these words, not because I have some great revelation to share, but because sometimes this is what we are called to do for a time. 

We weep every day when we thought our hearts had been healing.
We struggle in the dark of the night to escape the depressing thoughts and fears that threaten to envelope our hearts. 
We struggle to have hope in this world, we yearn to find joy.
We feel unbearable pain.
We ask much of The Lord and He asks us to wait.

We were never promised a happy life, we were promised Glory. 

Sometimes we are asked to feel pain and remain faithful. 

Sometimes we must wait in the desert....


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Adoption Hurts

  "Is adopting her harder than you thought it would be?"      I think, when I weighed the options back in 2021, before I brought my 12 year old daughter home, I knew how hard it could be. I accepted that it could be brutal. But, honestly, I hoped it wouldn't be. I hoped maybe, just maybe, trauma hadn't sunk deep into her bones and colored everything she did.  Some people may have different perceptions on how prepared I was, since I did jump into it pretty quickly. But I think that I did acknowledge, and accept, how hard it could be. But the reality of life is that there is no real way to know how hard anything actually is until you're living it. Meaning, I knew how hard it could be...but had no idea what that level of hard would actually feel like.  Because it hurts. Raising a broken teenager hurts. It hurts my daughter. It hurts me. It hurts our relationship. It just hurts.  But just because something hurts...does that mean we aren't called to do ...

Through Him

  I was raised by a Christian father who, though far from perfect, loved his family. I had a front row seat to his relationship with my mother and loved being his daughter. Through him I learned that I wanted to find a man like him in all the best ways. I married my first and only boyfriend when I was 19 and spent 13 years growing up with him. Through him I learned that I was a valued (and treasured) partner and that life is unbelievably special when you adventure together...and when you love unconditionally. A doctor met me one time and performed a dozen tests on my body. He was unkind and judgmental and his indifference made me cry in shame. Through him I learned that I might not ever be able to have children. My only son was born after years of infertility. He never took a breath and his death took my entire life by storm. Through him I learned that joy and grief can exist side by side...even when, or especially when, it is hard to find the joy. My father-in-law loved two childr...

All is not Calm...

  If you look around my house this Christmas season you will definitely see the effects of motherhood here. You'll see school books strewn about all throughout the place. Constant reminders of frustration and fights that feel completely unnecessary to a mom and completely life-changing to a kid. I never wanted to homeschool my teenage daughter. I simply didn't want this kind of hard. But I saw her struggles and her self-esteem start to crack as she fell more and more behind her peers in school. A scar from her years of home-hopping which led to inconsistent schooling. A kid who got overlooked and pushed along anyway. So I pulled her out and we started from the ground up. And she's bright, let me tell you. She's catching up one day at a time, and I get a front row seat to see her shine. I push her more than she wants, and she hates when I do it. But I didn't become her mother because of what she could do for me...I became her mother because I knew what I could do for...