A Sacrifice of Thanksgiving

One of the most pivotal points in my journey after Kimber died was when another mother of loss gave me some advice. She gently encouraged me to work my heart towards thanking God for Kimber's death. 

I talked about to often with John for a while and, eventually, one night during our bedtime prayer I told John I was ready. 

"Thank you God for Kimber's death"

I felt like throwing up, and I wept in John's arms for a long time. It felt like it went against every fiber of my being, to be thankful for the death of the little red-headed boy who would have called me "Mommy". 

God commands us to give thanks in ALL circumstances ("give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thess. 5:18). He requires us to die to our flesh by giving thanks in the midst of our adversity and for the adversity. 

That wonderful woman gave me an amazing gift. She pushed my heart in the right direction and led me by her own example of dying to self and obeying God. 

Our hearts fight against that sacrifice of thanksgiving. As mothers it is the most unbearable thing to lose our child. We struggle to thank Him because it goes against our feelings and our logic. But what a sacrifice to commit to it when everything within us wants to fight against what's happening. 

It's a surrender of control to the Sovereign Controller of all things. The acknowledgment that He is good and perfect, that His plan is good and perfect, and that He is in control. 

Last week I had a bad day. They don't happen as much anymore, but this one was just horrible. My heart ached so deeply for my son, and at times my soul felt so agonized that words couldn't express my pain and my prayers came out in sobs and groans. I actively sought the Lord in My suffering, and He met me. His strength in me enabled me to, once again, sacrifice and thank Him. Thank Him, not only for Kimber's death, but for the pain and suffering that has followed. For what his death has done in our marriage and in our family. 

I am continually renewing my mind to sing a song of sacrificial thanksgiving. Not only when it comes to the death of my son, but in all things, in all circumstances. Thanksgiving for the good flows from my heart easily. I will continue to renew my mind, for the sacrifice of thanksgiving must flow from me just as easily.