To The Man Who Killed My Husband...

Hello Charles,

My name is Katharine...you don't actually know me, but you were involved in a car accident with my husband, John, a year ago. 

You chose to take cocaine and fentanyl and chose to drive, heavily impaired, on a revoked license. 

Because of those decisions, you drove, head-on, into my husband while he was riding his motorcycle home from church…and you killed him.

My amazing, full of life, kind-hearted husband...died brutally on some meaningless strip of road that will forever be imprinted on my mind.

Your choices destroyed my whole world...

You may wake up every single day in a jail cell but you are not the only one left to face horrific consequences of the choices you made that day.

Every single day I wake up and face a life without the greatest man I ever knew. Every day I wake up and I must make the conscious choice to find joy in life still. Because your choices broke me...and I have to live life every day without my partner. Not to mention the grief of countless others who loved John so very dearly.

This week you finally went to court and your lawyer tried to falsely place blame on John for the accident and my heart felt like it was breaking again. I was indignant at the audacity presented in that courtroom. 

But I know that this is the way of things, your lawyer was simply doing his due diligence. And I know that you will, most likely, agree to some sort of plea deal for a lesser sentence that will never feel quite fair in exchange for stealing the life of another human being.

But I am neither judge nor jury. I am just the woman you made a widow...

I chose not to attend your trial. And I still stand by that choice. Because I do not want to hear your story...I do not want to hear the explanations your lawyer will inevitably try to spin to the court. Because, honestly, I wonder if I heard your story...if it would make me hate you. 

I am afraid that if I hear firsthand all of the evil that you've chosen for your life, that I would not be able to choose to forgive you. 

I find that I am not as strong as I wish I could be. I wish I could look you in the face and declare that I have found peace and choose to believe that goodness exists in you and that I forgive you.

But I am afraid that I couldn't do that if I came to court and listened to your story. I have heard bits and pieces of it and it never settles my heart, it only causes turmoil. So I choose to believe that your story, while it matters, does not matter to me, nor do I need to know it to choose to forgive you.

Because I do...I do forgive you.

You, the man who killed my husband that Sunday morning in June of 2021…

I. Forgive. You.

"And this...this is the wonder that is keeping the stars apart."

I said those words to my husband on our wedding day almost 14 years ago. It was from a poem speaking about great love...about carrying each others' hearts in our hearts. 

Who knew that our life together would come so full circle?

Great wonders still exist…for me and for you. 

My forgiveness of your choices proves that, beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

But please understand that I am incapable of forgiving you on my own...I can only find the strength through the redeeming sacrifice of Jesus Christ...only through the power of Holy Spirit that lives inside of me...only through the love of God who carries me through each and every day.

And this…this is now the wonder that is keeping the stars apart.

Forgiveness, given fully and freely. It is yours...and I expect nothing in return.

I pray for you, Charles. I pray that you open your heart to the God who I know is capable of forgiving even the darkest things that you have done in your life. And I pray that you can find a hope beyond the shame and guilt that must lay stagnant in your heart.

The brokenness that is exhibited in your life speaks to the brokenness of your past. And I am sorry that your life led you down this painfully broken path. And I am sorry that you allowed it.

But you still have the power to choose...even now...you have a choice.

You can let your past brokenness and sin define you and destroy you...or you can choose to accept the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made on the cross on your behalf. The sacrifice that offers absolute forgiveness for all sinners...even sinners like you. 

One day I hope I can look in your eyes, shake your hand, and give voice to the forgiveness in my heart. 

But until then...I will let these written words speak for me… 

I choose to forgive you. 

I choose to love you.

I choose to believe in the greatest wonder that exists in this moment...

That you are forgiven and so am I.

-Katharine