Skip to main content

I'll Build a Boat in the Desert Place


One of my best friends sent me this song today and said "This is you"...I listened to it and I wept...

                                                                  Build a Boat - Colton Dixon

I will build a boat in the sand where they say it never rains
And I will stand up in faith, I'll do anything it takes
With Your wind in my sails, Your love never fails or fades
I'll build a boat in the desert place
So let it rain...

Guys, I haven't had lyrics hit my heart so hard in a very long time. I texted my friend back and said "I'll build a boat in the desert place...that filled my whole soul".

Because that is what I am doing here. I'm just trying to build the boat that the Lord has called me to build in this barren desert place that I am in.

And. It. Is. Hard.

Because it doesn't always make sense, this life that I am choosing to live. It often doesn't make sense to others and sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me. But here I am, sitting in the desert asking God to give me the tools I need to build this boat. Board by board...nail by nail.

I choose to build this boat because I believe that He parted the Red Sea...

I choose to build this boat because I believe that He made the walls of Jericho fall...

I choose to build this boat because I believe in the bloody cross and the empty tomb...

I choose to build this boat because I believe He will send the rains...

He. Will. Send. The. Rains.

I don't want to live my life for the certainties of the world. I don't want to accept what the world has to offer simply because it's substantial and concrete in this moment. I am not living for this world, nor its false or empty promises.

I am building a boat because that is my calling. The calling that has seen my joy and seen my grief. The calling that watched as both members of my little family died and left me so very much alone. The calling that existed as the spring evaporated from the ground and created this desert place I am in. 

The calling that still exists...even in this desert place.

Let us honor the sanctity of the boat builders in our lives.

Let us not ask people to explain their stories to us...but instead ask them to share their stories with us...for there is such a great difference. 

Let us not criticize too harshly the mishaps along the way. We all have had them. Me, very much, included.

I promise that they hurt me too. And I am just as sorry that they happened. I wish learning didn't have to come with hurt...but we rarely get out unscathed when we attempt something new. I am sorry that my hurts also hurt you.

I am just trying my very best at building something that I've never built before.

A new story...

A new hope...

A new motherhood...

A new adventure, even when I was too scared to hope for one before...I am building a new one...because, I guess, I am still an adventurer after all...

I'll build a boat in the desert place...

Because He has called me to this...

And. He. WILL. Send. The. Rains. 





 



Labels:

Comments

  1. JoyceMay 17, 2022 at 3:54 AM

    Amen! When you need re-supplying, we'll share with you. ❤️

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adoption Hurts

  "Is adopting her harder than you thought it would be?"      I think, when I weighed the options back in 2021, before I brought my 12 year old daughter home, I knew how hard it could be. I accepted that it could be brutal. But, honestly, I hoped it wouldn't be. I hoped maybe, just maybe, trauma hadn't sunk deep into her bones and colored everything she did.  Some people may have different perceptions on how prepared I was, since I did jump into it pretty quickly. But I think that I did acknowledge, and accept, how hard it could be. But the reality of life is that there is no real way to know how hard anything actually is until you're living it. Meaning, I knew how hard it could be...but had no idea what that level of hard would actually feel like.  Because it hurts. Raising a broken teenager hurts. It hurts my daughter. It hurts me. It hurts our relationship. It just hurts.  But just because something hurts...does that mean we aren't called to do ...
2 comments
Read more

Through Him

  I was raised by a Christian father who, though far from perfect, loved his family. I had a front row seat to his relationship with my mother and loved being his daughter. Through him I learned that I wanted to find a man like him in all the best ways. I married my first and only boyfriend when I was 19 and spent 13 years growing up with him. Through him I learned that I was a valued (and treasured) partner and that life is unbelievably special when you adventure together...and when you love unconditionally. A doctor met me one time and performed a dozen tests on my body. He was unkind and judgmental and his indifference made me cry in shame. Through him I learned that I might not ever be able to have children. My only son was born after years of infertility. He never took a breath and his death took my entire life by storm. Through him I learned that joy and grief can exist side by side...even when, or especially when, it is hard to find the joy. My father-in-law loved two childr...
3 comments
Read more

I’m so sorry, John…

John, I know you’re probably busy living your very best life in Heaven. I can’t imagine that earthly happenings matter much to those who’ve left us.  But I want it to matter anyway. I want to imagine that you can still care.  I’m sorry that I stopped reaching for you in the middle of the night. It was a slow and painful process of retraining my brain and body. After 13 years you just weren’t there anymore. And I had to remind myself over and over and over again. “He’s dead, Katharine. Dead. You’ll never find him when you reach for him anymore…one day you’ll have to just stop reaching”. And one day I did. I can’t remember when it was. When muscle memory and instinct faded away. But suddenly I didn’t have to remind myself anymore…my body finally accepted that you’d never be there anymore.  I’m sorry I got rid of your things. Your books and projects and broken treasures. You had such plans and dreams for all these things in your garage. And I threw them away. I sobbed and ye...
1 comment
Read more