Hey Kid...

Hey Kid...

I was reading though the pages of our Mother/Daughter journal and I saw that you'd written something new...and my whole heart just felt like it could burst.

I hurt for you and I hope for you all at once. 

One day you're going to look back on these early years and you will finally understand everything that went on behind closed doors in order to bring about our "everlasting family".

All those questions I dodged or only half-answered. All the time I spent on budgeting and paperwork. All the moments I felt overwhelmed and confused about all the work and legality it takes to make a stranger your child. 

Babe, believe me when I say that I only wanted you to carry what I thought your 13 year old heart could bear. I didn't want to lay my heaviness and my hurts on you. I shared them with you when I could, when they wouldn't burden you.

I wanted you to be included in these important steps but I still wanted that childlike freedom to fill your soul. The freedom that was stolen from you in your younger years. I promised that I wasn't going to be just another parental figure who took you in and let you go far too easily. I wasn't going to be yet another person who laid their mental well-being at your door. 

I wanted to be your freedom...be your grace...be your laughter...and your joy. 

I chose to be your teacher...your defender...your discipline...and your conscience.

Because life wasn't good enough for you, kid...not even close.

It robbed you of years of confidence and surety. Trust and love were cloaked in deception and pain in your eyes. But I knew what your heart and mind were capable of...deep down. Hidden beneath the self-protection and all the fear. 

I saw it all in you...and I chose to be the one to call it out of the darkness and into the light. 

I'll never say that it was easy. You didn't want me or accept me when I first brought you home. We were strangers playing at being mother and daughter. You pretended that this was just another stop in the merry-go-round that was your childhood...and I was determined to change your whole world.

And I did...just as much as you changed mine. 

You and me, kid, we changed the whole world.

And one day, one day you're gonna see all of this for exactly what it is. It was hard, grueling work, for the both of us. We chose to be family when we didn't have to, when it didn't even feel natural to. We worked through the fights and the sass and all the impatience your sinful mom showed. We apologized and forgave and sinned again. And it certainly didn't stop when the adoption became finalized (I anticipate).

But we loved, babe, we loved, and lived life together. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't always natural or nice and neat. But we did it. 

That's what we are gonna see when we look back on this season. We are going to see the worthwhile building and shaping of lost legacies and broken families. 

It wasn't supposed to be this way...broken people and broken families. But, even so, it was ordained from the very beginning. By a God who cares and loves us far more than we deserve or are capable of.

John once said that broken babies were his favorite...

He was right...so freaking right.

And you...you will always have been worth it. No matter what...for always.