Skip to main content

When He Asks You To Walk Again

Kimber died. 2 1/2 years ago, he died. And it almost felt like we died too. Like our very breath had been stolen from our lungs. It literally felt like we were defying nature when we to buried our child. 

I say this so you can try to grasp how broken we were at that time. Time stood still the moment he died, the second his heart stopped beating. 
Have you been there? In a moment that threatened to last forever and was so unbearable that you were terrified if you would never get out of it alive?
But, the world doesn't stop, it just keeps revolving. And we learned, we can't just stop either. 
Slowly God asked us to move forward, step by step. Steps we weren't sure we were ready for. Steps that scared us beyond human comprehension. 
But He held us as we took them, every single, unstable step.

He gave us infertility and asked us to walk...to walk and to still be with Him.

He gave us our son, Kimber, and He let us walk as we fell in love.

He welcomed our son home, long before us, and He asked us to walk...

We were so unbearable lost and broken, but He asked us to walk. 

Looking back I see us clearly. Desperately clinging to each other in a tailspin, begging Him to just take it all away. 
But He was there, the ever present Father.
I see Him, putting His arms under our arms and supporting us. 
He carried us so we could walk. 
As His children, He recognized that we didn't know how to walk anymore, we had been broken, and we couldn't walk.

He taught us how to walk again.

The beauty and profoundness in that is not lost on me. 

We have a Father who teaches his children to walk again. 

He stabilized us, so we could get our footing, then He asked us to walk again.

That is was our Father does. He comforts you, and pushes you forward when you're too scared or broken to move yourself. 
He sees the perfect plan and He guides you to each path. He chooses not to force you to walk it, but He urges you and supports you so that you can do it.

He just keeps asking you to walk, honor Him and walk, glorify Him and walk, praise Him and walk.

Where are you?
Are you walking? 
Are you broken?
Are you waiting?
Are you scared of the next steps?
Are you maybe even walking backwards?

He is faithful, simply fall back into His arms, and let Him teach you to walk again.

And one day...He will ask you to dance with Him again...
and you will remember your dance....


"For You have turned my mourning into dancing..." Psalm 30:11


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adoption Hurts

  "Is adopting her harder than you thought it would be?"      I think, when I weighed the options back in 2021, before I brought my 12 year old daughter home, I knew how hard it could be. I accepted that it could be brutal. But, honestly, I hoped it wouldn't be. I hoped maybe, just maybe, trauma hadn't sunk deep into her bones and colored everything she did.  Some people may have different perceptions on how prepared I was, since I did jump into it pretty quickly. But I think that I did acknowledge, and accept, how hard it could be. But the reality of life is that there is no real way to know how hard anything actually is until you're living it. Meaning, I knew how hard it could be...but had no idea what that level of hard would actually feel like.  Because it hurts. Raising a broken teenager hurts. It hurts my daughter. It hurts me. It hurts our relationship. It just hurts.  But just because something hurts...does that mean we aren't called to do ...
2 comments
Read more

Through Him

  I was raised by a Christian father who, though far from perfect, loved his family. I had a front row seat to his relationship with my mother and loved being his daughter. Through him I learned that I wanted to find a man like him in all the best ways. I married my first and only boyfriend when I was 19 and spent 13 years growing up with him. Through him I learned that I was a valued (and treasured) partner and that life is unbelievably special when you adventure together...and when you love unconditionally. A doctor met me one time and performed a dozen tests on my body. He was unkind and judgmental and his indifference made me cry in shame. Through him I learned that I might not ever be able to have children. My only son was born after years of infertility. He never took a breath and his death took my entire life by storm. Through him I learned that joy and grief can exist side by side...even when, or especially when, it is hard to find the joy. My father-in-law loved two childr...
3 comments
Read more

All is not Calm...

  If you look around my house this Christmas season you will definitely see the effects of motherhood here. You'll see school books strewn about all throughout the place. Constant reminders of frustration and fights that feel completely unnecessary to a mom and completely life-changing to a kid. I never wanted to homeschool my teenage daughter. I simply didn't want this kind of hard. But I saw her struggles and her self-esteem start to crack as she fell more and more behind her peers in school. A scar from her years of home-hopping which led to inconsistent schooling. A kid who got overlooked and pushed along anyway. So I pulled her out and we started from the ground up. And she's bright, let me tell you. She's catching up one day at a time, and I get a front row seat to see her shine. I push her more than she wants, and she hates when I do it. But I didn't become her mother because of what she could do for me...I became her mother because I knew what I could do for...
1 comment
Read more