2023 has really been one heck of a year. Full of all the highs and lows that you can imagine come with the life of a widowed single mom in the midst of adopting her teenage kid.
So, without further ado, here is my brief recap of 2023:
1. I still miss John. I don’t say that because I thought I wouldn’t anymore. But, just in case you were wondering, it still sucks that he died…and I still miss him.
2. You can, in fact, heal. You can face inconceivable trauma and you can heal. It's still sad and it still hurts...but healing happens if you put in the effort. (sidetone: I highly recommend EMDR therapy if you struggle with trauma triggers).
3. Adoption takes SO much more time, energy, and funds then it should. Zero regrets and it's worth every single bit of all of that...but still, can't it be more easily accessible? 2024 is gonna be the year we finally make it official...I hope.
4. Dating is half hope and half disappointment. The majority of men don't live up to the image they present to the world. There are nice guys who just don't work as your partner. But I am still just out there praying that I am able to somehow run into the man who could really go the distance.
5. I'm still reinventing myself. I'm still learning who I am now and how to handle everything as this new woman. And that's ok...it's ok to change and grow and become someone new. Even when the old you and your old life were wonderful.
6. I can certainly do the hard things...but I do not have to do ALL of the hard things. I can lay things down for a time and revisit them later, or I can simple say "no" and move on.
7. Go on the trip. Swim with the dolphins. Get the tattoo. Shave the side of your head. Get the new piercing. Zero regrets.
8. Change what you don't like about your house...or yourself...or life. Stop complaining about how everything isn't how you wished it would be, do something about it. I’m still learning to let go of the plans and dreams that John and I had together, even down to his preferred style and decorations. But I am filling my life up with the things just I want more and more. New plans and new dreams. Even small things like new paint or different furniture.
9. Getting back into discipling other women and attending Bible studies has been life-giving in more ways than one. I wasn't sure if I was completely ready, but God has been so very gracious as I have dipped my toe back into this kind of ministry. As we know, what God calls us to He also equips us for.
10. Love them anyway. The grumpy neighbor, the arrogant cashier, the rude friend, the hurtful family member, the teenager who questions your love every single day...love them anyway. I am consistently reminded how like the Israelites I am in my faithlessness to God...and He has always loved me anyway.
11. Doing what's best for your kid is always the right choice, even when its new and scary. Here's to starting off 2024 with homeschooling my 8th grader! (I'm excited...she sort of is...but we both have high hopes!).
12. When in doubt, google it. It has saved me SO many times. Also ask for help...people are willing to help if you just ask (this is also a reminder to myself...I am terrible at this, but I am getting better).
13. My community is still the best thing I've ever cultivated. It takes effort and time and investment...but it is always always always worthwhile.
14. Choosing joy creates a culture in your mind, in your family, and in your world. Choose it over and over again until it comes naturally.
15. Taking people at their word does not mean you have let them into the intimate parts of your life. It is ok to be cautious. I have seen, time and time again, that the people who question my motives in regards to self-protection are not willing to understand what I've truly gone through. Give me time and safety, do not demand something of me that is not yours to demand.
16. God is good and He loves me. I still rest in that when nothing else makes sense.
I wanted 2023 to feel a lot less like survival and more like living. But surviving still felt like a recurring theme this year.
But, it turns out, surviving is an important aspect of living and I'm incredibly thankful for the resilience that exists in me that enables me to survive...to live...because not everyone gets that opportunity.
So, welcome 2024! I'm probably nowhere near ready for you...but I'm willing...and that is enough.
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