From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 As we approach Thanksgiving I often find myself meditating on what being in a season of thankfulness truly means.  It is often easy to think of all the good things in your life. Easy to count your blessings instead of sheep. Easy to see the goodness of God in all of the wonderful aspects of your life. But what about the hard things? The dark things? The loneliness. the longing, the logos of suffering we seem to wear on our hearts. Are we thinking about these things on Thanksgiving morning? Do they make it onto your handmade Turkey every year? In my 33 years of life, I have experienced extreme loneliness. I have felt the deep longing. I have been branded with the logos of suffering. It is as permanent as the ink in my skin that shapes the letters of my son's name on my wrist. The son who died before he could take his first breath.  I want to look past these things. I wa

Did you know that I have to drive by John's accident site?  I see it every day... Sometimes up to six times a day. A wooden cross, my old motorcycle helmet, my nephew's plaid shirt, a little scarecrow, a sunflower. It's all there, placed beside the spot where he died.  I made my brother drive me by the accident site a little while after John died. I did not want to live in anxiety over the place where part of my life ended. I knew if I didn't go by it sooner, rather than later, that I might never be able to do it. So he, my sister, and mother, drove me by. I braced my soul for the pain and I wiped the tears as they fell. He drove quickly by the place where John's body was broken beyond survival and I thought "how can this be real?". A few weeks later I decided to that I needed to go and finally face it alone. I needed to see it...to recognize it for all that it is...and all that it isn't. I felt the grooves in the pavement made by John's motorcycle

  Here I am, about to play a round of Top Golf with two of my cousins. What do you see when you look at this picture?  What if I told you that this picture was taken 30 minutes after the man who invited me to play Top Golf with him stood me up and tried to ghost me? What do you see in the picture now? Any differences? Here is what I see: I am happy, I am joyful, and I am confident.  Mainly because I believe those things are influenced so much by my own choices. I chose to be happy, even though the first man to show any real interest in me since I became single totally bombed in regards to being a general good human. I chose to find the joy, even though it, for sure, sucks. I don't think anyone likes being stood up, even if this was more of a "let's-start-out-as-friends-date". I chose to be confident, because I refuse to let a man make me feel less about myself. When I sent this guy the infamous "I'm over this" text message, I was very clear about where I

  "Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset." -Exodus 17:12 Sometimes we are asked to carry something that is far too heavy for us to bear. Sometimes our grief is such a burden that we do not think we can survive under the crushing weight of it. Sometimes we are called to suffer far more than we ever thought possible.  I have been called to such things. Maybe you have too? When my husband died, my entire world shattered. Nothing looked the same anymore, nothing meant the same either. How do you survive such devastation? How do you pray when there are no words? How do you heal when there is no hope? How do you love when your heart is broken beyond recognition? But, when devastation hit, my Aarons and my  Hurs surrounded me. They picked up the pieces and put them in a safe place until I was ready to put the