I have loved watching the journey of bereavement unfold in my life. Four years ago I would never have thought that I would be where I am now but I am so so thankful for the adventures that have brought me here.
I'm thankful for a loving Father who has spoken the words of scripture into my heart and has redeemed the greatest pain in my life and created in it my greatest calling.
"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us."
-2 Corinthians 1:3-7 NLT
Outside the clouds have been dark for hours and a silent but steady rain has been falling. I like the rain. I like the sounds that it brings, whether quiet or bold. I like the sense of change and new growth that rain brings with it.
But, when the clouds finally break and the sun shines on my face, that is when I know I love the rain. Because the rain has brought me to a place where I adore the sun again. I lay aside the sweltering heat that I felt was too much yesterday and embrace it once again as an old friend.
The journey of grief I've experienced over the last 7 years (first with infertility, then Kimber's death, and then secondary infertility) feels...well, it feels pretty darn epic!
The process of embracing grief and healing and letting them exist together is more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. Because I've chosen to let God live in the center of both. God is the one who brings the beauty and brings the joy to these things. I'm a hot mess without Him.
I felt a gentle calling to help other mothers who lost their children, one I slightly resisted at first. After all, how could I possibly handle the agonizing pain again and again...by choice!?
But my loving Father shepherded me into it slowly, and joy filled my heart when I embraced that calling as my own.
And then He pushed right out of the nest and asked me to fly!
The first time I was asked to minister to a grieving mother I had not even begun my first bereavement certification. I felt ill prepared and practically begged to be filled with courage! I reached out to my closest prayer warriors and pleaded to prayed over as I was thrust into the journey of bereavement once again.
I was worried because I didn't know the process yet. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I didn't know the mother at all and had never known her child. I felt the emotions of my own loss threatening to choke me and the overwhelming sense of potential failure looming over my heart. How could I possibly be enough to help her?
But as I walked in and sat on that couch and hugged her, I felt it. I felt the Spirit completely consume me and my heart overfill will the joy and hope of Christ. The same things I felt when my own son had died 2 1/2 years earlier.
He reminded me that I didn't have to be enough, because He was enough. I only had to be willing to share Him with her and to open my heart and be vulnerable.
I shared a lot about Kimber that day and, yes, so many old feelings and hurts did come up again. But the peace of the Lord was covering me and I felt His presence.
I had the overwhelming knowledge "Yes, this is it, this is what I have called you to do. Walk with me in this and I will always lead you and redeem your grief."
I knew that this was always what I was meant to do. My experience was jarring and costly, but it was also redeeming and it led me here. And I am so thankful for every second of it.
I'm finished up another bereavement ministry training in the next month and I could not be more excited about where God is leading me in this. Every step that I've taken in faith He has fulfilled and made so much more of it than I could have possibly dreamed. Currently John and I are praying about me taking further training, later this summer, to become a leader in the bereavement ministry at our church. So, I ask that, if you feel led, please join us in prayer for that specific call. We are excited about the potential of this opportunity but want only the Lord's will for us.
I am just so thankful for each of you that have walked with me in this journey. However far, for however long. I thank God for all of you and for each of the prayers you have uttered on our behalf.
It's been amazing to see God's work in you as you've ministered to us through the years. Thankful for fulfilling scripture in our lives!
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."
-1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
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