Come And See What God Has Done

Some day...days like today, I struggle.

I struggle to trust in God's promises, to believe in His goodness, to hope in His plan. 

Because it have been five years, and hundreds of pregnancy tests since we started asking God for a child. 

Because with every failed cycle of fertility meds my heart hopes just a little less. 

Because two years ago I held my son in my arms and desperately willed him to breath, to live.

Because every adoption prospect that falls through reminds me of the lack of a miracle. 

Because having to give up the chance to adopt our foster daughter resounded in our hearts likes the final nail in a coffin. 

Because we are finally selling the very last of our baby items that we kept saving "just in case". 

Because we have suffered.... and we are suffering.

This season of Christmas is constantly reminding me of the suffering that our Lord experienced to bring us unbelievable joy, and unrelenting hope. 

I'm reminded that our suffering has been bringing about our sanctification. That God's great design has perfectly weaved our suffering into our joy and our hope. 

Hope cannot be separated from suffering, neither can joy be unwound from it. 

The greatest example of suffering is the greatest example of joy and of hope. 

 So please, look at us and see what God has done.

Because infertility has taught us to seek the will of God above all else, and to lay our own desires down at the feet of His plan.

Because every negative test gives us the opportunity to praise the Lord for our suffering, to thank Him for our adversity.

Because our precious red-headed boy has beaten us to Heaven and he ran his race well. His death has filled us with a passion for parents whose children had died and God's hope fills us with the words to comfort them. 

Because despite our hopes being crushed we are reminded that He has given us hearts that are willing to leap into the next great adventure He calls us to. 

Because we were so blessed to have had the opportunity to obey God's calling and becoming parents for a second time, despite also become parents without a child for a second time. 

Because we were given the chance to enjoy buying our baby things and then given the opportunity to bless someone else with the same joy. 

Because our suffering exemplifies God's glory and great love. 

So please...

Come and see what God has done!!!!