From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

Well it seems that we survived the first round of many holidays without Kimber here. And it was quite an experience,  It started with my 25th birthday on November 23...I hated it. Turning 25 without my son here was terrible. I waited three years to finally have our child and suddenly he was taken from us. The acknowledgement of the year passing by yet again just felt like a slap in the face.  I have wonderful friends and family and amazing husband who planned some wonderful events for me. And they truly helped me through a hard birthday. But, unfortunately, no amount of love and support could take away the hurt of being 25 without my baby in my arms.  But I survived, we got through it.  And then, 5 days later, we experienced our first Thanksgiving without Kimber. Our entire family was in town for the event and everyone seemed to have a wonderful holiday.  I watched my nieces and nephews run around and play together as Grammy and Grumpsy and all the aunts and uncles watch

My husband, John, and I tried to conceive our first child for over two years. During this time of infertility we struggled with the pain of desperately wanting to be parents but not having a baby of our own. It hurt, it felt like in our hearts we were already parents but we just kept waiting for our child. For two years we struggled with negative emotions that kept trying to dishearten us. We had to learn to fully rely on God, and with that come the acceptance of whatever He had planned for us, even if it meant we wouldn't have children. When we did learn to lean fully on Him everything else fell into place. We did not feel bitter about other women's pregnancies, and we could still find joy in every wonderful baby. It hurt not to be parents, but we woke up every day and made the decision to trust God, to trust He had a plan for us and that our struggles were not in vain. We did this for two years, so we had a lot of practice by the time that we actually became pregnant. It wa