From Riches to Rags, and the Glory I Found There

  We did it guys. We survived one entire year without John... How did you do? How did I do?! It's been rough lately, if I'm being honest. But my sister reminded me last night "it's so much better than it was last year" and she truly knows...because she carried me through so much of it.  It IS so much better than it was last year. And, for that, I am incredibly thankful. Because I still remember moments from last year so very vividly...and I am so glad that I did not have to experience them again. I remember the terror when I saw all those the flashing lights.  I remember the pain when they confirmed that he had died. I remember the hopelessness that filled my spirit. I remember being overtaken by panic attacks. I remember the people who sat with me. I remember all the tears...so many tears. "I don't want to live this life without him" I said it over and over and over again: on the side of the road, in the back of an ambulance, in my parents car, on m

  Welcome to the harrowing month of June.  I won't lie, I have been dreading its arrival. Last year, today, life was so beautiful. John and I were in such a happy place.  We were expecting to announce a pregnancy at any moment... His business was literally booming and he was incredibly fulfilled in his work. We were very connected with our family, friends, church, and community. We we were so in love and so very happy... June 1st 2021 was just another normal day in our wonderful life. We were preparing for a pregnancy, John's birthday, Father's Day, and our 13th wedding anniversary. Some gifts were already purchased and hidden in expectation of those special days. We even had a little box of hopeful items for a new baby... June...you used to hold my very favorite moments, I couldn't wait for you to come around every year... Now...now I wish we could, maybe, skip you...just this once. Oh June, you broke my heart...and I am just not sure how to face you this time around.